you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize