At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I will die if light touches me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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