I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't put those talents on a resume
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
