Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
