Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
