We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
