i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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