I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
