You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
