her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize