Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
