he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
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