I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
