Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize