I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
