Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
