So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize