tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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