Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
