I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
