the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
