i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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