omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
