I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
