I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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