After last night, I could never be a politician.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
