My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
