i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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