Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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