This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
