He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
tell me about the eggs
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
