two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
