Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
