I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
