is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
