the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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