i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
