I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
