I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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