Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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