I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
