In the future we'll all be gay
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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