hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
