ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
