She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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