it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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