and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
