Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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