she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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