I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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