i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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