I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm at about main and main street
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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