apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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