Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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