They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
