id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
