NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
