Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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