I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
