Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Holy sore nipples Batman
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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