Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
