Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
