My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
