How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
