this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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