oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
pray to the hookup gods
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
