I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
