do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
