No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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