Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
