mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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