I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
