why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
