Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
