We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
