Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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