youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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