I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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